Painting A Typical American Town Green

The Proper Way To Dispose of A Town


Did you ever find yourself sitting at your least favorite intersection looking around and saying to yourself “This Must Be Gone”?

I mean, have you ever just sat there behind the steering wheel and wish that that red and white State Farm Insurance Agency Sign you’ve been looking at for thirty seven years would somehow dematerialize and the building it was attached to would do the same? Have you ever sat at that same intersection dreaming of what the land surrounding that intersection would be like if in fact there were no buildings on it whatsoever? Have you ever thought of disposing of your entire town?

I have.

I think about it every day and not only do I think about it but I think as well of what it was I would do if indeed I had a blank canvas upon which I could build a new town altogether. As I do this, I do look at the natural geography of a town, that is, the natural environment that existed before the town was ever built. I’m sure you have done the same. But on the slim chance that you haven’t, here is an exercise you can do the next time you are sitting behind the steering wheel of your car at your least favorite intersection waiting for that red and white insurance sign to dematerialize.

Turn your car off. Unhitch your seat belt. Open the driver’s side door of your car. Step out of your vehicle. Walk to the front of it. Lie down on the street in front of your car. Close your eyes while singing your favorite country song quietly to yourself. Gently reach down and untie and then remove your shoes. And then lying on either one side or another, rest your cheek into the palm of your hand and look at the sidewalks that pass by the buildings that hold the signs that you have looked at for thirty seven years in a row.

Pay no attention to the fact that you are doing this in the middle of Manhattan or the middle of Council Bluffs or the middle of Sandusky, just pay attention to the sidewalks you are staring at. As you do this, squint your eyes so that everything but the sidewalk and the land it sits in is entirely out of focus. Don’t forget to continue to sing your favorite country song.

As you are doing all of this, I want you to get a feel for the natural landscape that was there before the buildings were there and in doing so come to a conclusion about what part of the building that holds the red and white sign should be disposed of. I’m serious.
As you make these mental notes about one building, I want you to make mental notes about the building just beyond that building and of course beyond that building and the next and so on.

The reason I want you to do this is in fact that while you are lying in front of your car with your shoes off and squinting your eyes while singing your favorite country song, you will soon discover how poorly planned your community was in the first place. More to the point, you will soon discover that the more buildings that were built on that land over the course of several decades, the less the buildings had a natural relationship with the earth itself.

As you are lying there thinking of ways to dispose of your town then, keep in mind that you are not actually thinking of disposing it as much as you are thinking about repositioning it or reattaching it properly to the earth it sits upon.

As you do this with your car engine off, start listening to the wind.

As you are lying there on the ground in front of your car listening to the wind while squinting your eyes and looking at sidewalks, you’re probably going to start noticing a few things.
The first thing you’ll notice is that the wind your listening to is collecting upon its’ path all of the stuff that seems to accumulate around that red and white sign and in turn blowing that stuff about the sidewalks you are squinting at. As this is happening, you’ll notice little sidewalk tornadoes forming. These tornadoes form because of poor planning on the part of those who built the town to begin with.

The second thing you’ll notice is that people have started gathering around you and as they are, they are wondering just why they are watching someone lying in front of their car with their shoes of singing their favorite country song in the middle of Manhattan.

Don’t worry about these people, just keep in mind that you are a certifiable city planner preparing them and their town for an exciting 21st century future. If they begin to get agitated, calm them down by stating quite clearly that you need a can of green spray paint, a step ladder and three volunteers.

Once you have the spray paint and the step ladder, instruct your volunteers to place the step ladder on the hood of your car. Then while two of the volunteers hold the ladder in place, instruct the third volunteer to climb to the top of the ladder with the can of spray paint and begin emptying its’ contents into the wind. Once this has been accomplished, instruct all of those who have gathered to follow the path of the green paint particles as the wind carries those particles along. What you’ll find once this all starts to happen is that the entire group will have probably joined you in singing your favorite country song. The other thing you will find is, one by one each singer will stop singing once the green paint particles they were following apply themselves to different parts of different buildings.

As the crowd grows silent, you can then reveal to them that you are a certifiable city planner and as you do so you can instruct those people in the fine art of removing any section of any building where green paint has been adhered to.

In the same breath, I want you as you are lying there to look at the asphalt covered terrain and look for natural dips in the surface of that terrain. As you do this, I want you to place a bridge over the natural creek that once ran over that land and beneath that bridge. Beside that bridge I want you to picture a bicycle. As that slope of the land will wander from the pavement directly into the path of buildings placed improperly on the land, think again about how portions of that building can be modified to accommodate that creek.

As you are thinking of the wind and you are thinking of the flow of the creek, I want you to think about the path of the sun. And as I want you to think about the path of the sun, I want you to think of modifying those buildings so that portions of them are covered in glass solar canopies. After you’re done thinking about all of this, I want you to get up, get back into your car and drive away from that intersection and towards your next least popular intersection. Once you arrive at the next intersection, repeat all of the steps above and continue to do so until you reach the intersection closest to your home.

At this intersection I want you to gaze down the street in the direction of your home and determine whether or not you can have a bubbling brook covered in a solar canopy gently meandering beneath the bridge that leads to your doorway.


If you find yourself on that bridge with your green bicycle, you can look back in time to when you were lying in the street and comfortably say to yourself, “I have disposed of my town”.

Mike Patrick Dahlke


Please take the time to visit some of my other essays.

Solyndra, Brilliant Technology Lost in The Abyss of Poorly Structured Federal Energy Policy.


From Rooftop Solar To Roadway Asphalt.